I climbed up five feet or so on my first attempt. I then encountered some problems as I learned that, in order to rappel down, I had to let go of the rock wall and lean back, letting the rope support my weight. This seemed like a terrifying idea and hearing "trust the rope" from below did little for my nerves. Somehow, "if you don't lean back, I won't bring you down", worked a lot better.

Slowly but surely, I became more comfortable with scaling a rock wall. Granted I won't be climbing the Painted Wall on the South Rim of the Black Canyon or the Diamond on the eastern face of Long's Peak (known as The Most Fearsome Climb in All Of North America, or at least one of the most fearsome,) anytime soon (or ever), but at least I could say I tried.

My next destination was Salida, and I drove over Monarch Pass, which, at 11,312ft is The Highest Point on US 50. Salida is just another small town along U.S. 50, a.k.a. The Loneliest Road in America (although this moniker traditionally applies to the Nevada portion of this trans-continental highway). Unlike Gunnison, Salida lacks a state college and the atmosphere that accompanies it. But not to be completely outdone by its neighbor, Salida has placed a large 'S' on the side of a mountain. But not even a giant letter could draw the folks from the Book of World Records into Salida in late May. Even though it has The Most Mountain Peaks of 14,000 or More Feet In All of Colorado, Salida remains a small lonely town on the loneliest road in America. And that sums it up. I stayed overnight and then set off again in search for new superlatives.

Which doesn't take long in this state. Indeed, less than an hour from Salida is the Royal Gorge Bridge. It spans the Arkansas River at a height of 1,750ft and is more than just a bridge. It is the centerpiece for an overpriced 'amusement park', for lack of a better phrase, where for $18 you can walk or ride across The World's Tallest Suspension Bridge! Or you can ride The World's Steepest Incline Railway! But that's not all. For that one high price, you can also ride The World's Highest Aerial Tram! All of these modes of transportation will show you the Royal Gorge from slightly different angles. But wait, there's more. You can also visit the gift shop and spend even more money. Needless to say, I was less than enthused by the Royal Gorge tourist trap. Personally, I think the admission price qualifies it for The World's Most Overpriced Non-Amusement Park!

From the superfluous superlatives featured at the Royal Gorge, I headed to Colorado Springs to visit Seven Falls. The drive from the entrance gate to the falls is touted perhaps jokingly as The Grandest Mile of Scenery in Colorado. Seven Falls and the winding road leading to it are both far from grand. I have now driven, walked and at times snow-slid across many a Colorado mile whose scenery would put these Falls to shame.

As its name suggests, Seven Falls cascades in seven distinct steps 181 feet down a solid cliff of pikes peak granite. After walking up 233 steps, I finally caught my breath and looked at the Falls. Walking all those stairs took my breath away far more than the Falls themselves. The Falls and their environs are far from grand. At 181ft, they're not even that high when compared to The Highest Falls in The US (Yosemite Falls in California, which fall 2,425ft, or the World's Highest Waterfalls in Venezuela which cascade 2,640ft). But despite the fact that they are thousands of feet smaller than these record breaking waterfalls, they are The Only Falls In Colorado To Be Listed on National Geographic's List of the Major Falls of the World. Somehow this makes Colorado Springs proud.

After $18 for what was The Biggest Ripoff Posing as a Tourist Attraction and $6 for what wasn't The Grandest Mile of Scenery in Colorado, I was ready for something that lived up to its reputation. I found it at Garden of the Gods: The Most Beautiful Red Rocks Outside of Red Rocks Park and Ampitheatre. Well, no, they didn't call it that. Especially since these are sandstone, and not rock formations. But Garden of the Gods is striking. The park covers two square miles, and includes the 1.3 mile Perkins Central Garden hiking trail, which begins at Signature Rock and winds around Twin Spires, Cathedral Spires and Three Graces. In the background is 14,000+ft Pikes Peak. Perhaps the best part of the experience, especially for those whose wallets have been raided by Colorado's less than spectacular faux superlative attractions, is that Garden of the Gods is free. In 1909, a portion of the park was donated to the city of Colorado Springs by the children of philanthropist Charles Elliot Perkins with the provision that the park be kept free, in accordance with his wishes.

From Colorado Springs, it was on to Rocky Mountain National Park. Heading from Denver, one must pass through touristy Estes Park, The Official Gateway to the Rocky Mountains. Or maybe that one was made up. Actually, Estes Park holds the accolade of being The Best Town In The Mountains and Plains, according to Family Fun Magazine. Yet, despite its impressive Rocky Mountain backdrop and reputation as the bastion of family fun, Estes Park is simply a tourist trap replete with bad drivers.

Downtown Estes' main street, Elkhorn Avenue, is alive with "over 300 'unique' [read: kitsch] shops and galleries offering arts, crafts and other gifts." In perhaps the most unwarranted self-aggrandizing gesture, Estes Park proclaimed itself The Most Unique Shopping Mall In All Of Colorado. May I suggest the title of Tackiest Tourist Trap Attempting to Pass Itself Off as Unique.

From Estes, I took Hwy 36 into the park. Although I didn't drive its 48 mile entirety, Trail Ridge Road, The Highest Continuous Paved Automobile Road In America, lives up to its name, and wins the road superlative one-upmanship game with the Mt. Evans scenic byway, which is the highest, but not the longest nor a continuous road. I put aside my amazement with these semantic differences between roads and savored the views along the two-lane road which traverses valleys full of grazing deer and elk, snow-laden Long's Peak and along the crest of the Continental Divide.

The next morning, I met Kirk of Kirk's Mountain Adventures for a full day hike in the park. We'd previously discussed Shelf Lake as a possible destination, but it was too snowed in. The Rockies had received more than 60 inches of snow the past winter and in fact Trail Ridge Road had opened only the week before. So we decided on Lake Ida, a nine mile hike which would allow us to walk along the Continental Divide. Since the first part of this hike remained covered by a high wall of snow, Kirk suggested we try snowshoeing. That is, until he saw me attempt snowshoeing.

Being from south Florida, I have as much opportunity to practice snowshoeing as I do to climb mountains or to speak English to gas station attendants. So no, I'd never snowshoed before. And my first attempt was a climb up a steep ridge. Kirk had more confidence in my abilities than I did but, after a couple of dozen stumbling steps and an elevation gain of maybe 10 inches, he suggested we try another hike, somewhere where snowshoes weren't required. I agreed and hobbled back to the truck.

We descended to the Fern Lake trailhead to hike four miles along a nearly snowless trail. We encountered numerous other hikers for the first half of the trail, en route to 40 foot Fern Falls. I think it was the most people I'd seen in Aspen, Crested Butte and Gunnison combined. The second half of the hike was nearly all uphill. It amazed me how long two miles can be when its all uphill. I wasn't sure how long it would take to walk two miles so I kept checking with Kirk to see if we had made it yet. Ever the optimist, Kirk continuously respond with inspiring statements such as, "Just a little more uphill then it levels off", "It's just up this hill a little ways further" or "we're almost there". I truly believe this went on for more than two miles, especially the uphill part, but Kirk kept insisting that we weren't there yet, we weren't lost and that we weren't caught in some weird time warp. After all, we were "almost there". I was starting to catch on that "not much farther" is guide-speak for "If I told you how much farther you really have to go, you'd fall down on the trail and refuse to get back up, so I'm just going to keep lying to you until we're really almost there."

After stopping for lunch at Fern Lake, Kirk suggested we continue hiking to Spruce Lake. He expressed some reservations about snow on the trail. Fortunately for both of us, Kirk left the snowshoes in his truck. We trekked snowshoeless for what seemed farther than the 0.8 miles Kirk had originally mentioned. But, once again, it was worth the effort. Nestled between spruce-adorned mountains and unnamed snowy ridges, Spruce Lake was as tranquil and pristine as only a mountain lake on a remote snow-covered trail could be. The complete lack of other hikers made this a truly worthwhile experience.

So now I can say I've seen Colorado in the off season. I had hotels, B&Bs, and even mountains to myself. I hiked past streams, falls and red rocks. I climbed and snowshoed and, at times, snow slid. I walked across The World's Highest Suspension Bridge drove the Highest Paved Road in America, The Loneliest Road in America and visited other superlative-laden tourist destinations.

In a state with so much to do, there's never nothing to do. I'd recommend the in between season to anyone who isn't put off by a bit of snow, doesn't like crowds and doesn't mind wearing a helmet while rafting or driving. And for anyone thinking about hiking up a mountain, the summit is farther than it looks. I mean, its just up this hill a ways... you're almost there.

Feedback:
"What a great article. The writer really captured the essence of Colorado and with a little humor thrown in made it real for everyone." Barb Burkhardt

"Although the article was well written and entertaining, the author picked the absolute worst time of year to attempt what she attempted. If she had visited Colorado during the later summer months, she would have enjoyed the actual Colorado off season."Wes McClain